Even my dog has issues

I'll never forget my vet saying to me on Tux's very first visit when he was only a few weeks old, "he is the most self-conscious dog I have ever seen before."  Of course he is.  Only someone in my family would have a dog that's neurotic and going to have anxiety over whether someone likes him or not.  Awesome!

I promise you guys, this dog is out to destroy me.  He is without question on assignment from the devil to make my life miserable until he or I end our time here on Earth.  I say he or I because I am not actually sure if this dog is ever going to die so I am not about to make the assumption that he will go first.

Jarrod and I have spent time researching on the Internet how long our breed of dog typically lives.  As luck would have it.....it's FOREVER.  Not to mention, in my infinite wisdom, I made sure I got an AKC Certified dog that was pedigreed.  Amazing! 

Now - it probably sounds like I am being harsh. 
Here's the truth...
He's cute as all get out.  He's protective and loves us to death. 
He doesn't lick you or hump your leg.  Actually I have trained him to be asexual.  He's like a monk.
It's really awesome.  Because that makes me sick to my stomach. 

The reason I dislike him, he urinates everywhere.  He has like a back-up bladder ready for combat at any moment. I will take him out, he comes back in, and runs off and goes somewhere in the house.  Then I get to explore and see what his special spot is today.  When I tell you that I have cried "why God?!?!  Why me?!?!?" a thousand times, I'm not kidding.  It's visions of Scarlett on the hill at Tara. 
But we love (hate) him and we are making it work. 

Here's my actual reason for blogging about him.
I picked him up from the groomer the other day and was trying to take his picture on our way home. (which let me interject here and just mention that this DOG gets his hair done more than I do and my sister is a hair stylist.  WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE!!!) He looks so cute and I wanted to try to get a good one of him.  The problem is, he's scared of me when I take pictures of him.  I used to think it was the noise that the camera on my phone made but I started silencing it and he still gets scared. 
He won't look directly at me.  But he wants me at least in eye-shot.  You know - because he's paranoid.  So he will sort of peek at me. 
I have to surprise him if I want a shot of him actually looking at me. 
Here is what I am talking about......

At one point I think he lost his mind for a minute and actually look at me and as you can see below, his face is saying, "why do you keep tormenting me so?"

I'll never forget, years ago, I had a cleaning lady and she was vacuuming in the living room.  I was in my bedroom doing something and all of this sudden, the vacuum turned off and she yells "oh no puppy."  I run in as fast as I can and he is pooping right next to where she is standing.  I look over and notice that the vacuum is no longer plugged into the wall.  I asked her what happened and she said, "I guess he doesn't like the vacuum so he ran to the cord and pulled it out of the wall with his teeth and then ran over to my feet and started pooping."  Ummmmm - I'm sorry....what did you just say?

Our cat, God rest her soul, (she didn't pee) loved to torment him.  She would stand in front of his food bowl so he couldn't eat.  He was too scared of her to do anything about it.  It was hilarious.  She actually got him to go into the laundry room once and then nudged the door closed and stood in front of it.  I watched the whole thing play out from my living room.  He started barking and she didn't move a muscle.  Man we miss you Tizz!  

He's all bark too.  He sounds like a ferocious dog when someone comes to the door.  He would never hurt anyone but it sounds like he would, which as the wife of a shift worker, I actually appreciate.  But Jarrod likes to open the door to random delivery people when Tux has been viciously peering at them through the window and say "get 'em Tux."  Now - I know that sounds sort of mean-spirited but we know he isn't going to do anything.  He weighs 12 lbs dripping wet.  But the looks on the people's faces are priceless.  I don't know.  I don't do it.  Jarrod will have to answer for that, not me.  ;) 

So for all of you that love your animals and take them to dog parks and put them in your family pictures..........Tux is abused and needs rescuing stat!  :) 

Office Do's and Don'ts

Earlier today a co-worker came up to me and gave me a suggestion for a post.  I have to give her a shout out because she had been emailing me ideas all day.  She calls them pet peeves.  I am much nicer than her so I will call them "Do's and Don'ts.  ;) 

This really is a funny topic though.  When you work full time, you spend more time with your co-workers than you do your own family.  So things are bound to get on your nerves.  Thankfully I work somewhere where we all love each other so we can joke about it.

And of course there are great things too about working in an office.  So we have to include the good with the "constructive."  And most of this stuff is just being commented on because its funny.

So here we go and these are in no particular order...

1.  DO NOT reply to all.  People!  You do realize that when you reply to all, we must continue to receive these emails.  We were excited about the news too!  We just emailed the person directly so that everyone else didn't have to see.  Especially when all you have to say is "YAY!!!!"  Love you all!

2.  DO be kind to your front desk.  We are so blessed to have the most amazing people at our front desk.  They have such a heart for people.  Dealing with the public face-to-face is not easy.  So make sure you let them know how much you appreciate them! 




3.  DO NOT park like a maniac.  We too would like to park in our parking lot but if everyone parked like this, we would have to park somewhere else.  Those line are to park inside of.  :)   Love ya!


   
4.  DO bake delicious cookies for people that come into your place of business.  Your office smells amazing and no one will turn down a warm cookie! 



5.  DO NOT drive in on two wheels because you had to get breakfast on your way in and it made you late to work.  You're going to kill someone.  Another late person.  Super!

6.  DO eat a peppermint before talking with someone in a small room.  Because your breath is stank. Kisses!



7.  DO NOT leave your cell phone on your desk and go into a meeting.  As much as we love "I'm Sexy and I Know It" we do not want to hear it 9 times while your stalker calls you.  You rock!

8.  DO wipe down the counter after you wash your hands.  It takes 2 seconds folks.  There is no reason it should look like a public pool in there.  You're the best!

9.  DO NOT be afraid to dress like your co-workers.  We do it a scary amount of times here at my work.  I guess the more time we spend with each other, we start to look alike.  These are sincere.  No one planned any of these...

  

  

 

Even when my kid comes up, she matches!

10.  DO celebrate big events together.  Make sure you lift each other up and let them know you care.
When they lose a loved one, make them a dinner.  When they get pregnant or married, throw a shower.  When they are honored publicly, be there to celebrate.  When they have a big birthday, eat a piece of cake.  Be there. 

    

   




11.  DO NOT be afraid to save a birds life.  When it flies into your super clean front door, it's you turn to act.  :)



12.  DO only bring 1-2 Lean Cuisine's to work at a time.  9 is a bit much for a fridge that holds 30 people's things.  Love you!

13.  DO NOT forget to honor those in authority in your life.  I am so thankful for those placed in authority in my life.  And I have learned that as I honor, God blesses me.  Such an important principle to learn!