Happy Easter!

You know when you have those times with the Lord where He speaks to you in a way that you know is something you are supposed to share?  I had one of those sessions with the Lord last night.
I love the gentle nudges of God.  I love that He corrects us in a way that is never harsh or condemning, but rather so loving and kind. 

I was lying in bed having my nightly conversation with God and I was thanking Him for always being there by my side.  Thanking Him that I’ve never had to feel alone during this transition in my life because I always felt His comforting arms.  Even when I was sad. 

As I was thanking Him, He spoke to my heart and said, “but you haven’t trusted Me.”
It was sobering.  Because it was true.  I hadn’t trusted Him.  Not completely.  I said all the right things.  “He is going to work this for my good…My latter will be greater…I know He has big plans for me…”  But the truth is, I was saying those things trying to convince myself that it was true.  I knew in the long run that I was going to be okay but I wasn’t trusting Him with each moment, each situation, each day.  He then just started to minister to my heart. 
He showed me how I was like Peter.  I had seen with my own eyes what was possible and would take a few steps but then doubt would set in and before I knew it, the water was at my chin and I was flailing and begging to be rescued. 
Many days, I had chosen turmoil and strife over peace and comfort. 
Either way, God would be there with me.  I could walk above my situation with Him in His peace and allow Him to carry my burdens for me and trust where He was taking me or I could stay in the turbulent waters and wear myself out trying to make it on my own, down where my circumstances controlled me and eventually have to beg Him to pull me out of it. 
God wants to show us that He has equipped us with everything we need to face whatever is in front of us but we have to trust Him.  It’s so easy to say that we trust Him when life is great.  But when everything falls apart and life is unfair, it’s not always as easy to live it out.

As I go into Easter weekend, I am that much more grateful for that torn veil.  I am so thankful that I have a Savior and Comforter and Best Friend and Teacher and Lord to walk with me. 
 
Happy Easter, you guys!  He is Risen!

Believing by Faith

I woke up this morning with the Lord in my ear and all over my heart.  Speaking Truth to me, after a day and night of allowing the enemy to creep in with his plan to take me off course. 
I'm so thankful that the Lord keeps me on a short leash and never allows me to stray too far before He reminds me where my home is.
I was thinking this morning about faith.  What are your true thoughts on faith when it has really been tested?  I have come to the realization that for almost 35 years of my life, it has been pretty easy to have faith.  God has blessed me with so many things and real adversity had never really hit me.  Sure I had a few things here and there but His mercy was also so evident, like in blessing me with Kayley out of my decision to not wait until I was married.  It was hard to really stay in a bad place when I had the excitement and blessing of a baby coming. 
So to sum it up, I had a pretty easy life. 

But then adversity came.  The real kind.  The kind that brings you to your knees and steals your breath from you.  What are your thoughts on faith then?

I've been so blessed that the Lord has taken me on a journey for a number of years now that certainly equipped me for this place.  5-10 years ago, I wouldn't be able to stand.  But He has been pouring into me and I have been getting to know Him in a deeper and intimate way.  So I can say, through all of the pain and agony and hurt, there has been joy.  He has NEVER left my side.  I have felt him 100% of the time.  Even when I didn't think I could take another breath...He was there.

But this morning He really challenged me.  I can say all of these things confidently because it's the truth.  In Deuteronomy when Moses is addressing Israel and he tells them that "the Lord will never leave you or forsake you," I can get with that.  Yes!  He doesn't leave you. He's there with you.  But what about the next line when Moses says "do not be afraid.  Do not be discouraged."  That part...not so much. 

Faith isn't about just knowing He's there.  Faith isn't about just sitting back and allowing Him to wipe your tears.  Hebrews 11:1 says "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."  When was the last time I hoped?  When was the last time I believed God for my future?  Instead of just relying on Him to get me through today!?  Just basically surviving.
It's so easy to allow our emotions to take over the rule and reign.  But the bad thing about emotions is that they can be deceiving.  What is the Truth?  What about what God says and promises about our situation?   Do we have faith that He will do what His Word promises He will do?

I am so thankful to serve a God that is interested in all of me.  He knows my intimate thoughts and desires and knows me better than I could ever think to know myself. 

That is where God is challenging me right now.  I hope this challenges someone else and grows their faith in the One that can make ALL THINGS possible.   

Thankful

The other day I was thinking about everything that has happened in my life in the past 6-7 months and the roller coaster that I've been on.  It's so easy to get caught up in the negative and the sadness and the "injustice."  It's the place that the devil wants to keep us.  Our eyes off the blessings and on the problems and trials of life. 
But even in the midst of the storm, when I stop and remember that God promises that He is with me and never leaves me and I fix my eyes on Him, all of this sudden instead of seeing lack, I see His provision and His goodness and His
unfailing love.

I'm reminded of the song that we used to sing all the time in the church I grew up in.  "Turn your eyes upon Jesus.  Look full in His wonderful face.  And the things of Earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace."  WOW!  Beautiful and more importantly - TRUE! 

So here are some of the reasons that I sing for joy!  The times in life that show us His love for us.  How even in the trials, He carries us and provides for us and wraps His loving arms around us. 
I'm overwhelmed by His goodness today!  He is such a great God!

 

 

 

 

 

His plans for us are great!  No matter what happens in life, He is always on the throne and if we give Him control, our story will end the way it's supposed to. 

I'm so thankful and grateful for His love! 

The NOIZE

Some time in, I think 2006, the NOIZE put on their very first show at Grace.  Pump up the Praise.  Kayley and I went to see it.  She was only 7 years old.  She had to stand on the chair so she could see part of it because we sat toward the back of the room.  She couldn't get enough.  She wanted to be a part of it.
As soon as the season started, we signed her up.  I thought we were basically in for a dance class that did shows from time to time and performed to Christian music.  I had no idea the ministry that was in our future. 
I have watched God do amazing things through the ministry of the NOIZE.  I remember my dad commenting after the first show he came to about the heart of the children.  He talked about what a beautiful thing it was to watch these kids sing to and about their King and know exactly what they were talking about and why they were doing it. 

Now that we have been in the NOIZE for over 6 years, I can attest to the heart of these children.  Their heart to reach the world for Christ.  Their desire to use the gifts and talents that the Lord has given them to draw people to Christ. 

We not only have the best kids but we have the best leaders and volunteers. There are people that God puts in your life, I believe, that are there to make a huge mark.  Our pastor and leader, Joel Davis, is one of those for Kayley and I both.  What a heart for the Lord he has.  Always challenging you and encouraging you along the way.  And now his amazing wife is part of it too.  It just too good!  These are not only people that are there when you are at the stuff they lead....they show up to your things too.  They have loved and supported Kayley and as a mom, there is nothing better than that!

Next week is our 3rd Live Loud Camp. 

                                       

 I am elated.  As the Volunteer Coordinator, it is my responsibility to build a team of volunteers that will not only corral about 1400 children, but love the Lord and want to be used to change kid's lives.  People that want to get out of the way and allow God to use them in that week however He sees fit.  Sometimes it means painting your body and wearing ridiculous clothing. 

 

Sometimes it means stopping everything and praying with a hurting child.  I am so blessed by these people.   It's overwhelming every year.  I love them all so much! 

 

At the end of the day, none of it matters if God doesn't show up and do His thing.  But He always does.  I'm so thankful for this ministry and all of the brothers and sisters that Kayley and I have now because of it.  I wouldn't trade all of these years for anything.  Excited to see what God has in store for Live Loud 2013!

Little Blessings!

I don't know if there is anything that can make you happier than seeing your child happy or worse than seeing your child sad.  As a parent, that roller coaster is one that I have wanted MANY times to get off of. 

We remember how harsh the adolescent years are!  I can remember being teased about how big my nose was to the point where I would lay my head down on my desk in junior high because I thought, "if no one sees it, maybe they won't make fun of it."  Brutal!

My child has experienced her fair share of that junk.  And at the same time, experienced the love and friendship of so many amazing people.  See Kayley is one of the most fun-loving and joyful people that I have ever met.  She oozes fun and laughter. 
I have prayed for so many years for her teen years.  That God would surround her with good friendships.  People that loved her for who she was and didn't try to change her.  Just allowed her to be herself....silliness and all!   And God in His awesome faithfulness did that. 

Kayley has some of the most amazing friendships.  These girls are not only loving and compassionate but they are real and honest.  It's not always perfect.  And who knows what the future holds.  Friendships change and people come in and out of our lives.  But for such a time as this, God knew exactly what Kayley needed and who she needed in her life.  And I thank God for these precious girls. 

I'm BACK!!!!

I’m still alive.  My temperament is one that gets super into something and then it fizzles out.  (see my first post where I even give no guarantees as to how long I would actually blog) It’s a horrible trait.  Thank goodness I don’t treat Jesus that way!  

Time and time again I have thought, oh yeah…I have a blog...I should blog, but just never could bring myself to sit down and do it.  
 
The last 5+ months have been the most trying months of my life and the one consistent thing that I keep hearing from the Lord through this is “I am allowing this in your life and I want you to live this out publically for My glory.”  I have to tell you….sometimes I have some pretty nervy conversations with God and when He repeatedly brought this to my heart there were a few times where I clearly conveyed my lack of appreciation for Him choosing me to be an example.    “God – I would rather crawl into a dark corner and stay there for a while. And you want me to just go about my life?!?!  Yeah….okay…..”  
But since He is the Creator and Author and One that I made Lord of my life, I am assuming He knows best.  So I’m doing my best.  Failed at times.  Royally failed at times, but I am a work in process. 

Just shy of 6 months ago, my marriage took a terrible turn for the worse.  How could this be?  I’ve always said that I would never allow divorce in my life.  There must be something we can do.  Counseling?  Sure!  We did that.  Repentance, dating back to the beginning?  Yep – I did that.  Read books and scripture on the subject?  Absolutely!  Live on your face before the Lord pleading for a miracle?  Got it!   Think about all of the areas where you went wrong and vow to make those areas a priority? For sure! Yuck with all my junk!   Seek wisdom of pastors and have people lay hands on you?   In a heartbeat! 
But what happens when you can’t control it?  What happens when you give it to God and God allows the unthinkable?  Divorce.  

My faith has been tested more than I could have ever imagined.  My pastor has said many times, “it’s easy to follow God when life is good.  But what’s in you when things get bad?”  
I will tell you, I have been so unbelievably shocked to find out how much I really do trust God.  Sure – have I just sort of lost my mind at times?  Sure.  I’m human. Sadness and dispair will make you do some crazy things. But I got it back together and have always remembered His promise that He works out ALL THINGS for good for those who love Him.  And I do love Him!  I love Him more now than I did before all of this.  He has given me such a picture of His unconditional love.  Funny thing is, it has not necessarily been God’s love for me that showed me that.  Now – have I felt His unconditional love?  More than I could say with words.  But that’s to be expected.  What happens when you feel His love for someone else?  What happens when you feel love for someone that you know isn’t your own love?  He did that for me for my husband.  How merciful and loving is our God!  It’s hard to love someone when they have hurt you.  It’s hard to continue love someone that doesn’t want the same things that you want and doesn't want to go God's way.  So God knew I couldn’t do it in my own capacity.  So He gave me His.  After all, greater is He that is in me than is in the world!  

So here we go!  Completely new chapter in my life.  I am now, thanks to the Lord and His revelation that He gives, armed fully aware of my weaknesses. I like to think of them as little projects that the Lord and I are taking on together.  It’s a “one foot in front of the other” type of project process but hey – you have to start somewhere.  

I thought about going back and deleting older posts where I talk about my marriage and have pictures of us over the years.  We were high school sweethearts so there is a long history there.  But no – why would I do that?  I love him.  He gave me a precious little girl that I wouldn’t trade for anything in the world.  He was my best friend for all of these years.  Laughed with me.  Screamed with me.  Messed up with me.  Shared victories with me.  Those things matter.  So I refuse to look at this as a failure in my life.  
God came to make all things new and He makes BEAUTIFUL things.  He will make a beautiful life for all of us.  Will there be more bad days?  Oh heck yes.  In fact, it could be tomorrow.  (I hope it isn’t though – I could use a break for a hot minute) And nothing is final for months. But that’s part of the journey.  And I am willing to walk wherever He wants me to go.  

So onward Christian soldier!  (Old school hymn reference – BAM!)  

I look forward to this journey and am excited to see where God takes me! Thanks for letting me share! 
 

The first man in my life

Who doesn't love a great story of triumph?  I love hearing about people that faced some sort of adversity and found their way out and went on to either be an advocate against it or live as opposite a life as possible.  Sadly you mostly only hear those stories in the movies. Most of those in reality are that people go on to perpetuate that "thing" in their life. "Oh did you hear about so-in-so?  You know he's into drugs really bad.  Well you know his mom was a drug addict so you could really only expect that for him since she was his example."  Stuff like that.
Well I can't mention my dad without acknowledging what an amazing triumph his life has been.  And his story is his story and not mine to tell but I will say a few things that, for those that know him, is common knowledge. 
My dad was born and raised in Arkansas.  His parents divorced and his mom remarried.  He was a bad man.  Life at home wasn't good.  I never had the opportunity to meet my grandmother but from what I have been told, she was a very special woman.  And she loved my dad very much.  I can only think that she did her best to provide what she thought was going to be the best life for her kids.  My dad and his brother.  She endured things that no one should ever have to and so did the kids. 
When she was only in her late 30's, she was stricken with a very agressive form of breast cancer.  I really cannot imagine what that sort of news must have been like for my dad.  So young. 
He moved to Houston for work in the mid-70's.  He needed to make money so that he could help the family.  Meanwhile back at home, she was dying. She lost her battle at only 41 years of age. 
I was 6 weeks in my mother's stomach when she passed.  My parents really wanted her to be able to have a grandchild before she passed.  Oh how I can only imagine, as a parent now, how much he wanted me to know her and her to know me.  And later in life, my sister. 
I am so thankful for my relationship with the Lord.  Because of that, He has spoken to my heart about her at times and given me, in small doses, glimpses into my dad's heart for her and for us to know her.  I actually think of her often.  I am excited for the day when I get to meet her in Heaven.  My dad tells me how much she loved the Lord.  So we will meet! 
I say all of that to build a picture of what my dad's life had been in his short 21/22 years on this Earth. Abuse, heartache, abandonment, etc.  He didn't have the dream childhood.  At times, I am sure it was more like a nightmare. 
A life like that can make you a very bitter and jaded person.  It's so much easier to follow in the footsteps of your example than it is to rise above it and say "No - I'm not going to live my life like that."  And that's what my dad did.
My sister and I, when we talk about our childhood, realize now that we are both parents, that we had about as close to a perfect childhood as you can get.  We had the perfect balance of structure, discipline, love and fun. 
My dad was never "not there."  He was present at anything that we ever did.  He got involved and was interested in our lives.   He has always provided and protected us.  I don't ever remember having a care or worry in the world when I was little because my dad could do anything and would take care of anything that might come up.  He could build anything, fix anything, create anything, he was my hero. 
I can remember on several occassions when he wore something quite embarrasing because I asked him to.  I always loved my friends.  He would play basketball outside with them and take them fishing.  Some of them to this day see him as a second father.  He taught Sunday School at our church to the youth and I can remember watching him at home in the Word preparing for his lessons.  He treated it as such a responsibility and honor to lead those young people.
I can remember times when he had to protect us.  Whether it be jumping in front of us when someone was coming to hurt us or loading us up and taking us out of town because a hurricane was coming.  As long as dad was in charge, I knew we would be ok. 
He never let the example of his childhood dictate who he was going to be as a father.  He was such an amazing dad, and still is. 
I'm so thankful that God chose him to be my dad.  I think about my relationship with the Lord and how special that is and I know that so much of that ease and comfort comes from the example of my Earthly father. 
My prayer is that on this Father's Day, my dad knows just how special he is and just how thankful I am for him.  That his life is a great story of adversity and triumph over that adversity. Dad, you are the best!  And I love you so much!