He has open arms!

Sunday morning started really early.  Kayley was dancing with the NOIZE in the early service so we were on the road by about 6:20am.  Awesome.  I'm not really a morning person.  I really prefer not to speak before about 8:30 and if I'm really being honest, not before about 10am.  But this was our reality so I put on my "just blessed and happy to be alive" face and we headed in.  No - I'm kidding.  I was actually excited about the day.  We had a full day planned, driving up to the Woodlands after church to dance up at their Market Street Shops.  So it was going to be a good day.
I sang with the choir, which I always love.  It's an honor to be on the worship team but there is just nothing like singing in the choir.  The worship experience is just like nothing else.
Before we went out, we did some rehearsing of a song that we will be doing in a few weeks and it was amazing.  God totally showed up and it was just an awesome pre-worship worship experience. 
The day was starting off just perfectly.
We go out and get in the loft and get ready to help create an atmosphere in our service. 
I had no idea what was ahout to happen.  But when, really, does God give you a heads up? 

We were singing this song called God is Able by Hillsong United. 
It's such an amazing song really focusing on how big our God is.  There is a line in the song that says, "God is for us, He has open arms, He will never fail us.  He will never fail us."  I noticed when I was singing that part, I had lifted my arms high , extending them to Him.  But not in my normal way.  Up over my head, like I was waiting for someone to pick me up. 
Right then, I had one of those experiences where God would just begin to minister to me in such a private and intimate way.  He began to give me all of these scenarios and memories of conversations that I had had in the past. 
I have a friend, one of my best friends actually, that was raised in the church and loves the Lord.  But doesn't quite get why I raise my hands when I worship and give praise to God.  I've tried to eloquently explain it, pulling out all of my amazing School of Worship teachings but none of that really clicked with him.  It just seemed "extreme" and "oogie boogie" to him.
We've talked about it a number of times and I have always been frustrated when we got off the phone because I felt like I didn't paint the right picture for him. 
See for me, I can't contain myself when I am singing to the Lord.  I've gotta move around, I've got to raise my hands, I've got to clap.  I want every part of me honoring and praising the One who is worthy of it. 
So as I am standing there, He gives me those words that I haven't been able to find on my own.  I am going to tell you in my words what He spoke to my heart.
"Ashley - look how you are holding your hands up.  Like a child waiting to be picked up by their parents.  Wanting to be held.  Wanting to be comforted and safe in the arms of someone that they trusted.  That's how you look at Me.  I am here to hold you.  I have open arms ready to receive you whenever you need me.  I never leave you.  You trust me.  I can comfort you when you need arms wrapped around you in comfort and security.  That's why you raise your hands to me.  Because I am ready to reach down to you." 
I was so overwhelmed at that moment.  I couldn't sing any longer.  I actually am tearing up as I type this.

I felt so secure and loved and special.  Right there in that Worship Center, I was having my own moment with the Lord.  He thought about me, little insignificant me, at that moment.  And I wondered, how many other people in this room are having one of these moments. Right about then one of our leaders stopped the song and said that he felt on his heart that there were people in the room that God was speaking to regarding that very line in the song. 
How great is God?!?!?  I mean really!!!

So from now on, that's what I will say when people think it's weird and different that I raise my hands when I worship and jump around in joy for who my God is.  I do it because He thinks of me.  I do it because He saved me and made a way when I couldn't see a way for myself.  I do it because He created me in His own image and no matter what anyone says about me, I'm perfect and beautiful in His eyes.  I do it because He took me in all of my junk and yuckiness and He washed me white as snow.  I do it because when He looks at me, He doesn't see my crud and my hypocrisy and my judgemental spirit and my critical heart...He sees the blood of His Son who died for me.  I do it because when I have no strength, His strength is made perfect in my weakness.   I do it because He is the Alpha and the Omega.  I do it because when I have a bad day, He will hold me in His arms and remind me that He never leaves me.  I do it because He loves me.  With all of my imperfections, He loves me!

What's in my purse

So let me explain what this is.  I have a number of bloggers that I follow regularly.  I love them.  But funny enough, their blogs are completely different than mine.  Which is weird to me because their blogs really inspired me to start one. 

 Anyhooooo - one of my favorites did this deal a few weeks ago where she had all of these guest bloggers on and they showed you what was in their purse and how they organized it.  OMG!  I was OBSESSED!  So I had this thought - I love to read these but I never do anything like that on mine.  Sooooo - this is where I find myself.
This is strictly just a "for fun" post.  If you are looking for depth, you aren't going to find it here.

Here is the purse.  My dad asked me this weekend if it was luggage.  Rude!  Clearly he doesn't know how important I am and all of the important things that I have to carry.  I set him straight so...he knows now. 


This is just a cheap Forever 21 purse.  It will more than likely rip apart soon.  I pack so much junk in there, purses don't stand a chance.  Which is why I stopped buying expensive ones.  It isn't worth it.

This is a view with all of my stuff in it.  The older I get, I am better about keeping my purses junk free.  You know - trash and stuff.  I think it's the old lady in me.  I am beginning to be all about function.  I draw the line at the fanny pack though. 

                       Here are the contents. 



Now you see why I need a luggage-sized purse. 

1.  My planner
2.  My make-up bag
3.  My joural/notepad
4. My "hold that thought" sticky arrows
5. Kayley's glasses that I use because I wear hand me downs of my 13 year old
6.  Kenra hairspray (or hair crack.  Whatever you want to refer to it as.)
7.  Lens cleaner wipes for my glasses
8.  Vera Bradley zippy for my business cards
9.  Container of office supplies
10.  Tissues
11.  Wet wipes
12.  iPhone - my everything
13.  My wallet
14.  My peppermints
15.  My in-ears for church

As I was typing these...right about #7, I could hear my husband's voice in my head calling me a dork.  It's actually probably true but I will be the dork on time with my crap together.  You "cool kids" can stroll in late unprepared.  And I'm not letting you borrow a pen!

Here it is broken into sections so I can explain.  Some of these I think might need explanation.



My planner goes everywhere with me.  Here is a shot of this week so far....


Needless to say....there have been a few things going on.  If I didn't have this, there would be no way for be to be able to get everything done.  I am so thankful for it. 

My "Hold That Thought" stickers are my fav!  I found these years ago at Barnes and Noble and use them for my Bible.  Then I started using them for everything.  So now I purchase them whenever I see them because I am afraid they are going to stop being made.  Sort of like my bobby pin obsession.  What if they run out??   Actually - I shouldn't even share that with you because I don't want competition out there.  So forget all of that.  They're awful.

I have that plastic container or post-its and tabbies and paperclips and binder clips.  Ok - I know that's SUPER nerdy but I don't want that junk floating all around my purse.  My binder clips came in that container and it was the perfect size for that stuff.  So I look at it as my way of helping the environment.  I'm recycling something. 



Ok - I am sooooo embarrassed that I carry a Liz Claiborne wallet.  Not to mention it's patent leather....and hot pink.  But it holds everything!!!  UGH!  You can make fun of me.  I have it coming.   

The Vera Bradley tiny wallet thingy is used to hold my business cards.  I desperately needed something to hold them and this worked perfectly. 

And yes - those are Kayley's glasses that I wear.  I am so rough on things and would never purchase nice ones.  So her hand-me-downs will just have to do. 

The little black bag houses my in-ears for church.  They are sort of crappy and I need some new ones.  But those will do for now.  I'm thankful they came with that little bag.  They would have already been distroyed if they were just roaming around my purse all day. 


I have already in previous blog posts discussed my obsession with peppermints.  Well right at the moment, I am not putting them in a plastic baggy.  My purse has a zipper section that holds them.  But if I change purses, the granny bag will come back out. 

Klennex - I seriously cry a lot.  I like to think of it as the Holy Spirit in me seeing things through Christ's eyes.  Not the fact that I am a hormonal basket case. 

Lens wipes - I use a lot of hairspray.  That should be explanation enough.

Wet Wipes - I started carrying these when I became a mother and have never stopped.  Everything out in the public is filthy.  These are a neccessity.

 

That is everything inside my make-up bag minus the hairspray.  I am not married to any one make-up brand.  I use a little of everything.  And of course...bobby pins. 
You should always have chapstick.  Especially if you are married.  My husband always needs chapstick. 
I always carry concealer because as stated in previous posts, I have hobo bags under my eyes and its not cute. 
Smashbox makes a really great nude lip gloss.  Highly recommend it. 
Kenra hairspray.  Oh my!  This stuff is amazing.  Now - it's expensive.  That little traveler is $6. A regular container is $30.  But I promise, it's amazing! 

Ok - that's all.  Happy purse organizing!  :)

Oh yeah...well my mom's cooler than your mom!

I'll never forget that moment when I held Kayley for the first time.  There was so much anticipation.  I had to have an emergency c-section with her so they whisked her away and it was a little while before I actually got the opportunity to hold her.
I remember looking at her and thinking that I had never loved anything to that capacity and yet, I was really just meeting her for the first time.  As I held her and studied everything about her, my mind immediately went to my mother.  It was interesting and I was caught a little off guard.  Lord, why am I thinking about my mom right now? 
But I began to realize that the way that I looked at Kayley and the immediate love that I had for her that was completely overwhelming every part of who I was, was the same way that my mom felt about me so many years ago.  From that moment on, I really looked at my mom in a completely different light.
I think we have this tendency as children to look at our parents as not really being human.  They're parents.  But that day, I saw my mom as a real mom, having her own feelings.  I realized that day how much she must really love me.  I always have felt loved.  I had an amazing childhood.  But I mean, really knew how much I was loved.  Because I had no gauge before.  I had never felt that kind of love for someone so I didn't even know it existed. 
I changed that day.  I look at my mom now and I see the way she looks at me differently.  I see love in her eyes that I never knew to even see before.  I get her.  Like I never got her before.
So I want to dedicate this blog post to her.  To the amazing woman that she is. 
I had a thought about this the other day.  What could I say to my mom on Mother's Day to let her know all the things that I think about her?  And then I thought - "I'll blog all the things about her (that I can think of on the spot) that I am thankful for. 
So here we go...

I am thankful most of all that my mom chose life.  I am here because of her and am so thankful to her for that. 

I am thankful that my mom (and dad but this isn't Father's Day so he is going to be left out of this post) saw fit that I have my own relationship with the Lord and set that foundation at an early age. 

I am thankful that my mom loved the things that I loved and was involved in the things I was involved in.  I model how I raise Kayley by that example.

I am thankful that my mom is so much fun.  That woman is the life of the party.  And she coincidentally is always the one throwing them. 

I am thankful that my mom has such a servant heart.  I have never seen someone so compassionate and giving of themselves. 

I am thankful that my mom loves my family as much as she does.  She truly loves Jarrod like he was her own.  And she adores Kayley so much.  She will call in the mornings just to hear her voice sometimes. 

I am thankful that my mom is funny.  One of my favorite things to do is watch my husband laugh at my mom's humor.  It brings such joy to my heart.  If I am being real - her timing can be off at times in joke telling.  She isn't the best joke teller.  But she is naturally funny.  When she isn't trying, she is naturally so witty.

I am thankful that my mom has a heart for the things that God has a heart for.  I blesses me when I tell her a story about someone going through hard times that she doesn't even maybe know that well and she will burst into tears asking if there is anything she can do. 

I am thankful that my mom will cut a check in a moment's notice so a kid can go to camp that couldn't otherwise afford to go.

I am thankful that my mom insists that Kayley has a new outfit for special events in her life and will take her or go with us.  She did that with us girls growing up too.  It isn't about the material aspect of it.  It's about the fact that she always knows how to make special things and events special. 

I am thankful that my mom looked at me the day that I stood in front of my parents to tell them I was pregnant and said, "A baby is a blessing from God and we aren't going to be sad about this." 

I am thankful that my mom has always made family so important.  She has showed us how to truly honor and respect your parents and how important making time for family is.

I am thankful that my mom always made our house a safe and fun place for me and my friends when I was growing up.  She would make us food and hang out with us.  She cared about my friends and had a place in their lives also.  And still does. 

I am thankful that my mom will call my husband out of the blue to check on him or offer to cook him his favorite dinner.  (he doesn't get a lot of that at home...)

I am thankful that my mom has such a great work ethic.  She has always worked hard our entire lives and set that example for us. 

I am thankful that my mom has truly learned to lean on the Lord.  Losing my grandfather was so hard...and still is.  But she finds her strength from the Lord.  It's inspiring.

I am thankful that my mom has cooked with Kayley since she was a little girl.  Kayley's love for cooking and desire to go to culinary school is because of her and that influence.

I am thankful that my mom created a room at her home for Kayley so that she would feel that she had her own place there. 

I am thankful that my mom has such a dynamic personality.  People are drawn to her.  She is so full of life.  Vibrant.

I am thankful that my mom has always told me how special I am to her.  Not to boost my ego but because I have always felt loved and accepted.

I am so thankful to God that He chose her for me.  And me for her.  I am a better person because of her influence in my life.  I see that in choices that I make sometimes that may not come natural to me but I can remember similar choices she made and the impact it had on people.  That's how you change the world.  My mom is a world changer.  And I am honored to be her daughter!
  I love you, Mom!